Carol's corner

Okay, I took some time off blogging to attempt to get my life in order. Not working so here I sit at the computer again. I had round two of the sleep study on Sunday night, what a waste of time if you ask me. They put me near a snorer and a night terrors guy and the chick had the nerve to say "you didn't sleep well last night" DUH! Dude woke me up twice screaming and snorer kept me from falling asleep each time..........GAH! I've been picking up stuff off and on for my trip down to Florida. I think I would be a whole lot more excited if I was going with my hub or with a friend rather than my mom again. As much as I love my mom, sometimes I just wanna be a goof and not be the responsible daughter. I've mapped out my route so that I can hook up with a couple friends on the way down so that makes me more excited, can't wait to meet B & J in WV and all the A's in SC. I'll make sure to pick up an extra memory card so that I can snap to my hearts ...

I've taken a couple days off to go and hang with my bestest again. I took her to the airport so she can visit with another friend and that in itself is yet another adventure. Planning on getting up and heading out at 8, we wake to find SNOW SNOW SNOW everywhere and I'm talking heavy wet snow. Roads are backed up and just wrong so we take back streets most of the way to the falls. Finally arriving with NO time to spare, we got a customs lane that had (ready for the miracle?) NO CARS in it(!!!) we sped through and flew to the airport. Poor girl had to crash the security line then run full tilt through the airport with her shoes in her hands while they're paging her over the intercom to come to the departing plane.......LOL!!! She made it with minutes to spare and was off. I on the other hand, enjoyed my half day of shopping with only one child in tow and it being the one who doesn't speak much made it even more enjoyable...(ahhhhhhhh Target) After spending way too m...

I'm out of the dog house, sort of....... I've been forgiven by the friend who was pissed, but if my mom finds out, I'm dead again...LOL!!! I'm off to a friends house tomorrow so I can take her to the buffalo airport so she can visit another friend who lives farther away from us. I'm using the excuse to go shopping again..shocking I know....LOL!!! Okay, back to packing after my busy day of running around for doctors appointments...sigh...it never ends does it?

Do you remember that game? I do cause I'm doing it now. One friend whom I adore says sure, not a problem if you wanna talk to my ex and figure out her head. ONLY when I do, I'm suddenly shunned as the enemy. Why do grow adults behave in such a childish manor? I'm trying to figure out a middle ground for a little girl. I have nothing invested other than that. Couldn't care if they reunite or don't. I just want that little girl to be happy and healthy. Next time someone says "Sure it won't bother me..." don't listen to them, they're lying. 13 years of friendship down the shitter cause I am trying to be impartial.........

Okay, I found a pic that I like of my new ink...The butterfly is for rebirth and the flower is a zinnea which stands for thoughts of abscent friends. It's my therapy for loosing my dad and the woman who was like a mom to me, my aunt Betty. She taught me so much in my life that I just can't imagine what it would have been without her as a positive force. She is why I am who I am after surviving my childhood. Crafty critters UNITE! I haven't decided on ink #3 yet, but I'm sure I'll find one soon and start getting itchy again... Other than that, I've gotten better and being frustrated almost all the time, but that seems to be my life as of late. Never enough time to do anything and can't ask for help...whatever. Enjoy the ink, I know I sure as hell do!

Got the new ink and I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! Apparently I love the pain too...lol! My bestest came with me and got ink of her own and was in agony due to the fact that hers was on her back over the spine. It's stunning though... Now I gotta go and look up more for tattoo #3..........WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Okay, I survived year three, survived Peter picking up the new car and going to darts and survived digging out of this freak storm. We've done the snow twice today and hopefully that's it cause I don't wanna go out again. I don't mind doing the chore, but my back protests the exercise. Too old for Canadian winters anymore. I don't build snowmen, snowforts or make snow angels. TOO COLD! I'm hoping that the sun today will melt some off and the rest will slowly go away over night so that the drive to Oakville tomorrow for ink...I'll have to post a pic of the work after it's done. Will be beautiful if they can do half of what I think they can do.

Today is year three. For some reason instead of getting easier it's getting harder. I bawled today like I haven't since he died. Absolute ugly crying, snot, tears and all. I feel somewhat better but I'm still angry. Angry that he did that to himself, angry that I didn't forgive him sooner, angry that he wasn't a better dad or I a better daughter, and beyond angry that he never got to meet my son. Will I ever feel better? Who knows. Will it ever get easier? Maybe, hopefully.... I'm getting a new tattoo on Thursday to remind myself of him and others that aren't here with me... I really do miss you dad, and I'm not as strong as I put it out there to be.

I'm sure this will be boring for most, but I'm positive that the purging of thoughts and crap will help me out in the long run.....