Carol's corner

I had a family. Complete, Husband, Wife and kids family. It's gone and I move on. Today I found out that my ex of years and years ago, my most significent ex is soon to be a father. I cried. Why. I'm unsure why it has made me so sad. I clearly moved on years ago myself. I've been with my "husband" for 16 years. My ex and my husband even met each other at least once. My ex is a good guy. He deserves a family of his own concidering how screwed up his family is. So, why. Is it because of the what if factor again? What if his mother wasn't such a bitch and did what she did, we would have still been together? Is it because of the one I lost that I never told him about? Is it because once a long time ago he asked me to marry him and I couldn't because of his screwed up family? Is it because my own life is such a failure? Is it all of the above? I feel horrible about it. If my life had been different, I wouldn't have my beautiful babies. I pro...

Just swamped under a mountain of laundry, piles of dishes and poopy undies and diapers as I try to train the boy... Starbucks is still sustaining me and all things that are good and normal. CCAS is still harrassing me and Peter is still not home. He's getting there. He is in classes weekly for anger management, AA and all the other things his lawyer deems needed. Either way, I don't see my life returning to normal any time soon.....sigh...........

One Week................you know that song from the Bare Naked Ladies. The one that hit it huge for them? Well it's been a week here too but I haven't hit it big. Oh don't get me wrong, there were big hits involved, but none of them were good ones. Last week Peter decided he'd held off on beating as long as he could and went for it. I think he forgot that I outweigh him, and I'm no wilting flower that will fold at the first sign of a fist. I fought back and I know I won. Police involved, hospital visits for him and it's now one week later. Yesterday I had my visit with the Catholic Childrens Aid Society. It went okay I guess. How can anything be okay with the CCAS huh? She gave me a ton of things to think about and made me realise even more than ever that I've done the right thing. I will always love him, but I don't know that he'll ever be healthy enough to be back in our lives, but I still love him. He is the man who gave me my most beau...

First off, I need to get more creative with my post titles. Second, My baby boy turned three on the 18th. Yes I said THREE! Where the heck did time run off to? Here he is with his mandatory "how many fingers are you" picture. Can you see what his shirt says? How true can that be. We spent the day with friends playing our Wii and laughing. After we went to Nana's place for dinner and "party" and did the gifts. He's such a ham it's funny. He not only constantly makes me laugh, but he makes everyone who meets him love him completely. Yes I'm a proud momma. Yesterday we spent the day with my grandma. She's never met the baby yet so it was important to me that she does. Grandma is getting up there in the years and is starting to have issues. Blessed that we are she's been here as long as she has so far, but I don't think she'll be here much longer. We hung out, did some shopping and errands and just played. You can see again that my monk...

I hope you enjoy your day today....Sucks that we're all too broke to do anything really fun, but we'll all be together at least! Love you more than you know. I'm glad you're still here with us after that nasty scare.

You know that feeling in the morning when you open your eyes to the sun? I don't anymore. My life is revolving around my kids and my marriage and so far I'm getting sucked down into a hole. I don't mean to say that my kids are killing me, just that I'm allowing the negative to bring me into a place where I don't want to be. For so long, I've bent over backwards and twisted myself around to be someone I'm not for an impossible person. Every change I've made isn't good enough or the correct one. How can I parent properly when I don't like myself anymore? Strong statement yes, but painfully true. I have made some hard decisions about the direction I need to be facing not only for my kids, but for my mental health too. I hope that someday, my children will look at me with nothing but pride and admiration for the choices I'm about to make instead of fear and disgust for what I allowed. I deserve more. My children deserve BETTER. I can and will sac...

Family Day..... So yesterday was Family Day here in Ontario. A new holiday designed to give a family more time together as a family. Funny thing is, not all companies recognized this new day and therefore not all companies gave everyone the day off... P had his off but being the person I am, I let him stay home while I took the kids with my sisters kids and my mom to the ROM. O M G! HUGE amounts of people! Granted I've not been to the ROM since I was in highschool but geez the last time I was there it was mostly dead. The new section that juts out over Bloor street is a maze to make any rat go insane. Naturally this is where they put the Dinos...and yes my monkeys HAD to see them. Even with the crush of peeps, my guys did awesome and I'm such a proud momma that my boy even squeeled with delight when he saw the terrible T-Rex (everyone's fav) We wandered around the rest of the ROM when we found our way out of the maze, visiting Egypt (Mummies) then Greece (where my ...