Carol's corner

I play this game constantly. I hear from Peter how it's all my fault and I'm to blame for all teh evils in our "relationship". Okay, gotcha. Tell me what it was that set you off? Silence. He won't tell me if I don't know. It just goes to prove that I don't listen to him obviously. I'm so introverted and self centered that I can't see what is right in front of my face.....right........... My take on it? He realized that he's a major fucking asshole and he's scrambling to find blame in anyone other than himself, again. It's never his fault right? He's the prodigal son. He's perfect. He does no wrong. Never has, never will. This is acording to him and his whole fucking family. So.........if it's not his fault, it must be mine. Follow? I'm not sure if I do either. It is what it is. Lawer on speed dial. I will get it in writing and on record and forget living in fear of him not paying the bills, or not paying th...

Just swamped under a mountain of laundry, piles of dishes and poopy undies and diapers as I try to train the boy... Starbucks is still sustaining me and all things that are good and normal. CCAS is still harrassing me and Peter is still not home. He's getting there. He is in classes weekly for anger management, AA and all the other things his lawyer deems needed. Either way, I don't see my life returning to normal any time soon.....sigh...........

I hung with some friends from SCS the other day up at Bellaland. OMG it was so much fun! I got to hang with some of the ROCKSTARS in the Stamping world. JanTink...HELLO??? THE JAN TINK!!!!!! OMG! And you know what? She was awesome and sweet and so down to earth! I poked her arm so maybe some of the talent will travel up my finger into the rest of me. Linda, Laura, Mary, Paula, Pauline and of course Emily and Nicky.....wayyyyyyyyyyy fun! Wanna see some shots? I didn't get many cause like I said I was having too much fun......lol! I was so inspired that I came home and started colouring some images and it came out NOTHING like theirs.......soooooooooooooooooooooo I have some more practicing to do...LOL!!! Don't forget I start STARBUCKS on MONDAY!!! Can you tell I'm a little excited? No? Well just wait till after my first day and I've been sucking back all those wonderful espresso drinks all day long.....lol!! Till then!

My mom is okay. She came home on Thursday. She's a nutcase and I'm glad she's home. I'm riding her about those meds cause if she screws up like this again....well we just won't go there huh? My best friends husband had a heart attack on Monday too. Like I didn't have enough worry in my world, add that one to the bunch. He is doing fine as well, had a blockage and was easily removed and he's home. Her life is worse than mine cause he's more stubborn than my mom and refuses to admit he has to curb his less than healthy lifestyle now. Men are all alike in that way huh? Was at the zoo yesterday with a friend from years ago. We had a blast. Bittersweet to see someone so happy being a father and husband. Yes, Peter was nowhere to be found and this is actually his friend from grade one...yup, love my life and all those in it... Either way, onward and upward. The job at Starbucks is gone, I've applied at another place and hopefully I'll have b...

Forced cold turkey withdrawls.......could be worse I guess. I could be more than tired and headachy. Maybe this is a good thing to get off the happy drugs. Maybe my time on antidepresents has come and gone. After all, it's been four and a half years since I started them. Dad's anniversary passed this year with no tears so hopefully I've gotten over it? Who knows. In odd related news...my ex's dad passed on Peters birthday. I'm not sure if there is a meaning for that, but George was always my advocate in that relationship so it hurts a little that he's gone, not that I've seen him at all in the past 15 years... Either way, I need to get in gear and get rid of the flipping mouse who is making my life a misery...stinking brown fatty living behind my stove, I'll get you, don't you worry..............

You may be exhausted with work, you may even kill yourself, but unless your work is interwoven with love, it is useless. To work without love is slavery. Mother Teressa

Huge changes in my world. So much that I'm still off kilter. The long lost sister found us, Peter is spending money like water, and I'm sinking deeper and deeper into my depression. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I hardball, it changes for a few days then right back. Threatening doesn't do anything because he knows they are hollow...I'm so lost it's pathetic. I'm so broke it's almost criminal. I worry on a daily basis about providing for my kids, forget me, my kids need milk, food and diapers. I've been putting out resumes, but no nibbles. I'm gonna go back to my first choice and stalk the Manager. Maybe if I tell him how badly I want to work there......pathetic I know. That in itself brings a whole heap of new problems. The added expense of formula for munchkin.........sigh again....... Someone stop the ride please? I don't like it anymore.

So this year Easter is the earliest it's been in forever. Next time it will be this early is 22hundred something so maybe my grandkids grandkids lifetime??? Life on the home front is different lately...not good, not bad just different. I laid it all out like I intended. It got nasty, it got ugly and it got bad. Very cathartic if you ask me (and since I read this, I'm asking) Since then we've hit a plateau where shits not hitting the fan, but it does have potential too.......sigh....... Other than that...I've come clean with my demons, open and honest right? Can't fix it if I'm hiding shit. I'm gonna start pressing buttons again to make things happen. Promises were made and I see no movement. I want more. I need to get a job. I don't want to really, not that I don't want to work, I just don't wanna leave my baby at such a young age and I kind of love being home with them. We need the money and I need the break. I'm with them 24/...