Strange....

I had a family. Complete, Husband, Wife and kids family. It's gone and I move on.

Today I found out that my ex of years and years ago, my most significent ex is soon to be a father. I cried.

Why.

I'm unsure why it has made me so sad. I clearly moved on years ago myself. I've been with my "husband" for 16 years. My ex and my husband even met each other at least once. My ex is a good guy. He deserves a family of his own concidering how screwed up his family is.

So, why.

Is it because of the what if factor again? What if his mother wasn't such a bitch and did what she did, we would have still been together? Is it because of the one I lost that I never told him about? Is it because once a long time ago he asked me to marry him and I couldn't because of his screwed up family? Is it because my own life is such a failure? Is it all of the above?

I feel horrible about it. If my life had been different, I wouldn't have my beautiful babies. I probably wouldn't have any at all.

I love my kids more than life itself and I would not give them up for anything, so why has this kicked me in the guts so hard.

I want to message him and congratulate him, but I don't want to breakdown on the phone, or send a sappy email. It took him a very long time to move past me and he's happy. I don't want to hurt him at all. I did enough damage back then.

So for his sake, and mine...

Congrats Mike. I know you will be an amazing father. Your child will be blessed.