Life is what you make it.
I think I finally got it. I think I understand. My life is hell because I let it be. Deep. If I want joy, I need to make it happen. I can't keep wallowing in self pity and anger. It gets me nowhere except angry at the world around me. That isn't fun Doing more for me because it causes joy is top of the list. I need more smiles and less frowns. I need to get on this now. I deserve better. My babies deserve better. Today. No fucking new years resolution. Today. TODAY.