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Showing posts from January, 2011

I give up.

People ask you to rely on them. They ask you to trust in them to help. You reach out for that help and get a swift kick in the teeth. I'm tired. I'm tired of waiting for Peter to be a better man and father. I'm tired of waiting for my mother to pick up after herself and not destroy my home. I'm tired of all the "just let me know when you need a break" people to actually come through and give me the break, For the third time my sister has backed out of helping me by taking the kids for a week so I can rest and my mom can rest. What else can I do or say to people to make them understand that I'm dying? I've given everything I had and then given more. I need a chance to cry without little faces asking me why I'm crying. I need a chance to rage without making my kids think they've done something wrong. Job #2 starts on Tuesday. I'm terrified that I'm going to fuck it up somehow and be back at Starbucks full time scraping by. Who shoul

8 Years

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What a long time, and yet it's just a blink of an eye. Eight Years ago I was holding my fresh new baby girl in my arms. I was looking at her as she slept in my arms and wondering how it could be possible that my heart was so full. I was so in love with such a tiny creature and I couldn't imagine it would ever get bigger than that. Eight years later...she's beautiful, she's vibrant, she's loving and kind. She is one of the most amazing little girls I've ever seen in my life. She's my baby, she's my joy and I'm so proud to be her mother. I love you Gilly Bean, there is nothing else in the world you need to know than that. I will do anything in my power to make you happy for the rest of my life. Hugs and kisses, Mom

Life

So apparently this is no longer a crafty blog...LOL!!! It has turned into a vent for my anger, an outlet for the supressed feelings I have and the place where I can let it out with no mask. I'm angry. I'm angry that the man of my dreams is now the man of my nightmares. It's pathetic how predictable he has become. He's mad at me being mad at him so he has to make me feel bad and punish the kids. Sunday night bedtime suicide calls, no I won't take the kids and so on. It's almost funny. I know the game by now. I wonder why he feels the need. Doesn't he see I'm finished? Doesn't he see that it's falling on deaf ears? When he calls to say yah I can't take the kids and I answer, Yah I know....doesn't he get it???? It all serves to make me more sure of my choice, see my path clearer and to know my road ahead is the right one. On a positive note, my manager took it well that I'm dropping down to part time to start a new c

Day One

It begins anew. He called at 4 when he got home to say "happy anniversary" and tell me he's sick. I assume it's so I wouldn't bring the kids over. Haha, jokes on him, I had no intention of taking them over anyway. Why would I leave my kids with someone who so obviously doesn't give a rats ass about any of us. Whatever. I ended the year with my traditional dinner at The Keg only this year with my mom and kids. I had fun. Day One.