I give up.

People ask you to rely on them. They ask you to trust in them to help. You reach out for that help and get a swift kick in the teeth.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of waiting for Peter to be a better man and father.

I'm tired of waiting for my mother to pick up after herself and not destroy my home.

I'm tired of all the "just let me know when you need a break" people to actually come through and give me the break,

For the third time my sister has backed out of helping me by taking the kids for a week so I can rest and my mom can rest.

What else can I do or say to people to make them understand that I'm dying? I've given everything I had and then given more. I need a chance to cry without little faces asking me why I'm crying. I need a chance to rage without making my kids think they've done something wrong.

Job #2 starts on Tuesday. I'm terrified that I'm going to fuck it up somehow and be back at Starbucks full time scraping by.

Who should I beg for help? Who will listen?

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