Carol's corner

TESTING TESTING...............lol

So this year Easter is the earliest it's been in forever. Next time it will be this early is 22hundred something so maybe my grandkids grandkids lifetime??? Life on the home front is different lately...not good, not bad just different. I laid it all out like I intended. It got nasty, it got ugly and it got bad. Very cathartic if you ask me (and since I read this, I'm asking) Since then we've hit a plateau where shits not hitting the fan, but it does have potential too.......sigh....... Other than that...I've come clean with my demons, open and honest right? Can't fix it if I'm hiding shit. I'm gonna start pressing buttons again to make things happen. Promises were made and I see no movement. I want more. I need to get a job. I don't want to really, not that I don't want to work, I just don't wanna leave my baby at such a young age and I kind of love being home with them. We need the money and I need the break. I'm with them 24/

You know that feeling in the morning when you open your eyes to the sun? I don't anymore. My life is revolving around my kids and my marriage and so far I'm getting sucked down into a hole. I don't mean to say that my kids are killing me, just that I'm allowing the negative to bring me into a place where I don't want to be. For so long, I've bent over backwards and twisted myself around to be someone I'm not for an impossible person. Every change I've made isn't good enough or the correct one. How can I parent properly when I don't like myself anymore? Strong statement yes, but painfully true. I have made some hard decisions about the direction I need to be facing not only for my kids, but for my mental health too. I hope that someday, my children will look at me with nothing but pride and admiration for the choices I'm about to make instead of fear and disgust for what I allowed. I deserve more. My children deserve BETTER. I can and will sac