At long last...
I've finally realized something about you and I. It's taken a while, but it was a revelation for sure.
All the things you hate about me, aren't me. They're you.
I've loved and supported you for a very long time. I've been open and honest about my feelings, my thoughts, my desires.
I supported you financially and mentally when you were fired from your job. I worked long hours and cut out many of my wants and needs so I could support us as a couple in our apartment. I never complained.
When you got your job, I pushed you gently in the direction of getting the education you needed to move forward in the company. I sat quietly beside you while you learned what you needed to learn.
I made it happen when you mentioned that you wanted to have owned a home by the time you were 30. We moved in just over a month after your 31st birthday. I did that for you.
I changed my view on the world and decided to have children because you wanted to right the wrong of your father and be a better man than him. I did it selflessly because it was want you needed.
Time after time, I would pick you up at bars and drive you home in the dead of night so you wouldn't take the car and drive home drunk. I did this because I loved you.
When you got the car towed because you were too drunk to find it, I never yelled. I just paid the fine and got it back. When you got arrested for DUI, I hugged you and kissed you and told you it would be okay, even though I was almost ready to give birth to our final child. I drove to the hospital to have her myself because you had been suspended. I did it with a smile because I didn't want to stress you out, or make you feel bad. I loved you.
When it came down to the wire and you jumped on me and threatened me, I finally pushed back. I fought you for my safety and my children’s safety. I still loved you.
I stood beside you while you went to treatment, while you went to court, while you dealt with your mother and family, all the while I was being raked over the coals by them and CCAS for things you had done.
When you came home and nothing had changed, I still hung on because you are better than this, you don't mean to be evil. I loved you.
Now you've been on your own for over a year. I've tolerated the email threats. I've put up with all the times you've ignored your children. I've sat back and made excuses for you because you're still sick and you need to want the help.
Well, I'm finally done. The final straw was emailing me that you've quit your job. No amount of sucking up now will ever change the amount of stress, panic and sheer terror I've felt since Saturday morning. No amount of relief in finding out that Doug has forgiven you and allowed you to retain your job will erase that. Nothing you can do or say will allow me to forget. There is nothing left in me for you.
I honestly don't feel that I've ever hated anyone so much that I'm now apathetic to you. It hurts me deep down inside to know that I can honestly say I don't care if you live or die. It hurts me because I loved you. It hurts me to know that I can feel that way about another person.
I will go on. I will get stronger. I will replace the monetary support with money of my own no matter how hard I have to work or how tired I am. I will not rely on you if I can help it.
My children will understand. They may be upset and angry with me at first for no longer being availble to them, but they will understand.
I will never speak ill of you in their hearing, but I am finally done.
Thank you I suppose for finally releasing me.
All the things you hate about me, aren't me. They're you.
I've loved and supported you for a very long time. I've been open and honest about my feelings, my thoughts, my desires.
I supported you financially and mentally when you were fired from your job. I worked long hours and cut out many of my wants and needs so I could support us as a couple in our apartment. I never complained.
When you got your job, I pushed you gently in the direction of getting the education you needed to move forward in the company. I sat quietly beside you while you learned what you needed to learn.
I made it happen when you mentioned that you wanted to have owned a home by the time you were 30. We moved in just over a month after your 31st birthday. I did that for you.
I changed my view on the world and decided to have children because you wanted to right the wrong of your father and be a better man than him. I did it selflessly because it was want you needed.
Time after time, I would pick you up at bars and drive you home in the dead of night so you wouldn't take the car and drive home drunk. I did this because I loved you.
When you got the car towed because you were too drunk to find it, I never yelled. I just paid the fine and got it back. When you got arrested for DUI, I hugged you and kissed you and told you it would be okay, even though I was almost ready to give birth to our final child. I drove to the hospital to have her myself because you had been suspended. I did it with a smile because I didn't want to stress you out, or make you feel bad. I loved you.
When it came down to the wire and you jumped on me and threatened me, I finally pushed back. I fought you for my safety and my children’s safety. I still loved you.
I stood beside you while you went to treatment, while you went to court, while you dealt with your mother and family, all the while I was being raked over the coals by them and CCAS for things you had done.
When you came home and nothing had changed, I still hung on because you are better than this, you don't mean to be evil. I loved you.
Now you've been on your own for over a year. I've tolerated the email threats. I've put up with all the times you've ignored your children. I've sat back and made excuses for you because you're still sick and you need to want the help.
Well, I'm finally done. The final straw was emailing me that you've quit your job. No amount of sucking up now will ever change the amount of stress, panic and sheer terror I've felt since Saturday morning. No amount of relief in finding out that Doug has forgiven you and allowed you to retain your job will erase that. Nothing you can do or say will allow me to forget. There is nothing left in me for you.
I honestly don't feel that I've ever hated anyone so much that I'm now apathetic to you. It hurts me deep down inside to know that I can honestly say I don't care if you live or die. It hurts me because I loved you. It hurts me to know that I can feel that way about another person.
I will go on. I will get stronger. I will replace the monetary support with money of my own no matter how hard I have to work or how tired I am. I will not rely on you if I can help it.
My children will understand. They may be upset and angry with me at first for no longer being availble to them, but they will understand.
I will never speak ill of you in their hearing, but I am finally done.
Thank you I suppose for finally releasing me.
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