Whatever

I had such high hopes. He picked us. He stood up to his family and told them he would spend the holidays with us.

And then he drank.

Christmas Eve was picking at me, telling me that everything is still my fault and I should just accept it. Oh and getting the kids to all baby talk because he knopws it drives me fucking insane...

Christmas was more drinking followed by not eating and then shattering my corning ware cause "it slipped" from his hands. I should thank my lucky stars that it didn't slip at me huh? He got pissy because I cleaned the mess up. Somehow that's offensive.

Boxing Day is a study in ignoring him. Too bad he won't leave me alone and picks at me by his very presence in my space. I try to escape only to be followed into whatever room I'm hiding in. I just needed a moment alone to regroup and settle my mind.

Today is silent so far but only because he's just woken up. I'm sure I'll catch hell because I've drunk all the coffee and I will not be making more. If he wants it, he can do it himself. I'm done being a slave and punching bag on my four days off.

Essentially I'm done.

I know I've said so before and I'll probably say so again, but for now it's true. I'm exhausted, and sad, and broken.

I thought things were changing. I thought he had realized that we are what he wanted. I thought HE would change. So stupid right? Right.

I will go on because I have no choice. I will slowly burn out all hope in my heart and turn to reality. I have no choice. I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't be so tortured all the time. I must go on............