Growing up.

Kindness comes in all forms.  Doing something nice for others because you want to.  Doing something for someone because you know they need it. A simple gesture or words.

I've been out of sorts lately.  The five year anniversary of "the incident" hit me hard.  More so because we had had such a lovely day.  The kids and I.  To come from such a high and to have the cloud yanked out from under us, or me, so abruptly left me in a tail spin.  The week long barrage was nothing short of horrific.  I've never come so close to letting it all go since I was in high school.

That scared me. I have been so distracted and distant from my own self it's alarming.  My internal panic at my situation has me cutting my ties with myself and I'm worried.

Or was...

I went out with some friends on Friday.  I wasn't in the mood to go.  Not in the mood to be around people at all really, but I had promised to bring one friend to the gathering.  I got ready and went.  An old friend asked that simple question that almost brought me to my knees.  "Are you okay?"  I lied and said yes but we all know I'm not.

I will be.

I know I've said that a million times before, but I need it to be true.  For me and mine.  The fear in my heart at how low I got, I don't ever want to get there again.

I need help to get there.  But I need to find the right help rather than searching blindly in the dark for any source of strength.

I can do this.  I know I can.  If not for me, for them.